CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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