Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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