he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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