I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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