I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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