he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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