Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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