she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
