I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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