Got a toothbrush?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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