in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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