i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
