Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
