I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
