My Higher Power is John Stamos
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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