I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
