Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
