My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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