just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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