Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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