my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
