im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize