So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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