omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
