You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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