i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
