there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
