Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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