We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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