Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
