I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
