So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
