I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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