Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
