Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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