We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
