I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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