apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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