dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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