i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
