I want to have your abortion
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
