I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
