no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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