Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
