So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
