She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
