i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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