Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
