he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize