I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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