Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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