Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
