Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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