Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
