Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
