We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
