Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
