I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
