And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i think im in europe. pls send help
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
