He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
