Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Text me some of your sweat
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
