They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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