I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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