I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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