your parents love me but you hate me
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I did not marry a roomba.
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