if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
