I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
