OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
