chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
