He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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