you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
