my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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