I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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