remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
