You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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