Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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