Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
