Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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