Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize