Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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