And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
