the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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