omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
