I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
