Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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