the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
