He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She's the barista slut.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
