He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize