So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
