p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
